Lord of the Flies: Dungeons and Dragons Edition
by Revenge and Rainbows
Summary: The boys from Lord of the Flies play some good ol' fashion D&D! Rated T for swearing!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! I'm so sorry it's been, like, a mont since I updated but I just got back from camp. But anyways, here's a oneshot about Piggy, Ralph, Simon, Roger, Jack, Samneric, and Maurice (so basically the mentionable characters from Lord of the Flies) playing some good ol' fashion D&D!**

**DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT WILLIAM GOLDING AND I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE FLIES. KAPEESH? GOOD.**

"So, I'm glad you can all make it to Dungeons and Dragons," Piggy began. He, Ralph, Simon, Roger, Jack, Maurice, and Samneric were all sitting in a circle (in that order, oddly enough…).

"I don't wanna play your gay game!" Jack complained.

"Hey, how do you know if Dungeons and Dragons is gay or not?" Ralph snickered.

"Well Piggy likes it, so it must be!" Jack and Roger started cracking up. Piggy just sighed and shook his head.

"Anyways, it's a roleplaying game—"

"See, it already sounds gay," Jack muttered.

"JACK SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ralph shouted.

"Ralph stop being a buzzkill!"

"NEVER!"

"Guys this is besides the point! So everyone has to have a character. Each character has a race and a class."

"Does that mean Simon has to be black in the game as well as in real life?"

"Ok we are not stooping to telling racist jokes!"

"I don't mind what race I am," Simon shyly looked at his feet because he's shy and stuff.

"Ok, you can be an elf, a half elf—"

"Half elf half what?"

"Half human. You can also be a human, dwarf, halfling, gnome, or ogre. You can also be a dark elf and that kind of stuff but I don't think you guys are smart enough to understand that."

"No, I understand perfectly. You mean a black elf, right?"

"Jack shut up!" Piggy sighed and rubbed his temple.

"Okay, I'll just assign races. Roger, you can be an elf. Samneric can be ogres-"

"Wait-"

"So-"

"Simon-"

"Isn't-"

"Black-"

"But-"

"We're-"

"Still twins?"

"Yes. And you also finish each other's thoughts."

"Aw…"

"Simon, you can be a human, Ralph is a dwarf, Maurice is a dwarf, and Jack is a gnome."

"That's stupid."

"Maurice, you're stupid!"

"Yeah, you're right…"

"If I'm a dwarf, do I have a lot of chest hair?"

"No, you're a girl,"

"WHAT?"

"Just like in real life!" Ralph joked.

"RALPH SHUT UP!"

"Naaah…"

"Great! We're all happy with our races! Now let's pick classes!"

"What's a class?"

"It's what you do in your spare time! Kind of like a job, but it's based around your reputation and what you do!"

"Does that mean I can be a pimp?"

"No! Jack if you keep making ridiculous comments you can't play!"

"Aw…"

"Ralph, shut up. Classses can include wizards, fighters, you know, like soldiers kind of, rogues, that kind of thing."

"What's a rogue?" Roger asked glumly because he's a dark child.

"A rogue is someone who steals from others and is sneaky."

"Like a ninja?"

"Yes, Roger, like a ninja."

"I'll be a rogue."

"Great. Roger's a rogue."

"I wanna kill people!" Jack said with an excited look on his face.

"Spectacular. You can be a barbarian."

"Can I be a fairy?"

"No, Maurice, you can't be a fairy. I'll make you a paladin."

"So now I'm Aladdin?"

"No, you're a paladin! Like a knight!"

"Cool…"

"Simon, what do you want to be?"

"Can I be a druid?"

"How do you know what a druid is?"

"I've played Dungeons and Dragons before…"

"Wizard. You is a druid."

"Ok there's Piggy's terrible grammar. I didn't think it'd come back."

"Jack…"

"Fine, I'll shut up."

"Ralph can be a wizard because he's so wizard."

"That's weird. Stop crushing on me."

"No."

"RALPH'S MIIIINNNNNEEE BITCH!"

"Jack shut up!" Piggy crossed his incredibly fat arms.

"So is that everyone?"

"No, we skipped Samneric."

"Okay. They can be-"

"No!"

"I-"

"Want-"

"To-"

"Be-"

"Something-"

"Other-"

"Than-"

"What-"

"My-"

"Brother-"

"Is!"

"Fine. Sam can be a cleric and Eric can be a ranger. Happy?"

"But I wanted to be the cleric!"

"Oh my god Eric you're both basically the same person! Just stick with your role!"

"Fine."

"Now does everyone know what they are?"

"I'm a rogue."

"I'm a druid."

"I'm a pimp."

"No you're not, Jack."

"Fine, I'm a barbarian."

"I'm a wizard."

"I'm a paladin."

"I'm a cleric."

"I'm a ranger."

"And I'm the dungeon master," Piggy smiled evily. "Now let's start! You'll each decide on what you want to do each turn and I'll decide if you succeed by rolling the dice. So, on to the story: an adventure group made up of a rogue, druid, barbarian, wizard, paladin, cleric, and ranger went out on a journey because the people of where they came from said there was a council of spirits that hides a very valuable treasure," he said as he passed out character sheets for everyone.

"Cool."

"So, at the moment you are on your way to Embress City. You are on a moor with a few gorse bushes scattered around here and there. You notice a small city up ahead."

"What can we see?" Simon asked timidly.

"Nothing really. Maybe a few taverns; it looks like a small village. But you can't exactly make out what it's made up of."

"Cool. Can I make my move?"

"Sure, Jack, I was planning on going in a circle but—"

"Awesome! I want to take out my huge-ass sword that I apparently have and kill you!"

"You can't kill me, I'm the Dungeon Master."

"Psht, so? I could kill you in real life!"

"You can't kill me because I'm not in the game!"

"Well why are you here, then?"

"To narrate the story!"

"Oh…"

"Yeah, I bet you feel real dumb now!"

"Can I go?"

"Yes, Roger, you can go."

"Can I make a perception check? I'm a rogue, so apparently I'm perceptive, and I wanna see if there's anything in the bushes I can kill."

"Alright!" Piggy picked up a twenty sided die and rolled it. An eighteen came up on the die.

"You're in luck! You take out your binoculars—"

"What am I, bird watching? Give me a stephescope!"

"Fine. You take out your stephescope and notice a rustling in a few bushes. All of a sudden five goblins pop out of their hiding spots! What do you want to do?"

"I want to take one of my knives and throw it at a goblin."

"Alright!" Piggy rolled the die to find Roger's fate. A seventeen appeared on the die. "You hit, now we have to roll a different die to see how much dammage you caused." Piggy rolled again with a three sided die. A three came up. "Three hit points were taken away from one goblin. It's now my turn since I control all the monsters. The goblin that was attacked by Roger runs up to him with a spiked club. However, Roger steps out of the way and the goblin hits Eric instead. Now let's roll to see how much damage I dealt," Piggy rolled the die again. "Three. Eric's stomach is now bleeding. It's Simon's turn."

"I want to use my shortobow and fire an arrow at the goblin that Roger attacked."

"Great. You fire your bow and it hits the goblin in the forehead. It dies," Simon and Roger high-fived at their victory. "Okay, the second goblin is down. The third goblin takes out a blowgun and shoots it at Jack. It misses."

"YEAH BUDDY!"

"Anyways, let's continue…"

**I've decided to make this a story with chapters instead of a oneshot. Review please/**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey all! It's been so long since I've updated this story or even written any kind of fucked up Lord of the Flies oneshot **** So, here's chapter two of Lord of the Flies, Dungeons and Dragons edition!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM LORD OF THE FLIES AND I'M NOT WILLIAM GOLDING. KAPEESH? GOOD.**

"So, it's now Ralph's turn to make a move," Piggy stated as Jack moved his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive fashion.

"Well," Ralph responded, curling a strand of golden hair around his finger, "I think I'll attack the fifth goblin with my short sword."

"I bet you have a long sword…" Jack joked. Everyone rolled their eyes at the terrible joke that everyone expected Jack to make anyways.

"Alright, you swing your sword but the goblin dodges! The same goblin hits Eric with a spiked club and it hits him!"

"WELL FUCK YOU!" Eric yelled.

"Jack, it's your turn."  
"Okay, I wanna kill Eric with my HUGE sword-"

"Not likely," Ralph muttered. Jack shot him a glare and continued.

"Uhm…are you sure that's a good idea? He is your team-"

"Don't care. I want him dead."

"Alright…" Piggy rolled the dice to determine Eric's fate. Everybody's eyes widened as the dice hit the ground.

"It was a critical hit…Eric the ranger is dead." After Eric hyperventilating a little bit and after some hysterical laughter from Jack and Roger Eric screamed and left.

"Jesus Christ…" Piggy muttered.

"Simon, that's you!" Maurice whispered.

"Can we continue? I wanna kill these bitches!" Roger growled. Piggy shrugged. "All right," Roger continued, "I want to throw a grenade at them."

"Eh, seems legit."

"Piggy, I don't think that's how you would use that word-"

"Simon shut up!" Piggy growled. "Your boyfriend can throw a grenade because I'm getting sick of these goblins myself."

"But he's not my-"

"He's my wife." Roger put a protective arm around Simon. His eyes widened and he started trembling.

"Hey, it's like Finland and Sweden from Hetalia!" Jack commented.

"Oh my god I totally ship them!" Roger let out a fangirl scream. That's right, Jack and Roger are fangirls-erm, boys. After Simon moved out of Roger's grasp, Piggy rolled the die. A twenty came up.

"Wizard. You killed all the goblins. Let's go," Roger let out a triumphant cry as the team advanced.

"Okay, you're now in that town. There are many villagers, but they're all looking at you suspiciously. All of a sudden a pimp comes up to you—"

"OH COME ON!"

"Jack shut up. And he says that he wants Maurice to be a prostitute."

"I think I'd made a pretty damn fine prostitute…" Maurice muttered.

"Maurice, don't be ridiculous. Can I just beat him up or something?" Ralph questioned.

"Well, you could hit him over the head with a plank of wood that's right across from you…"

"Awesome, I'll do it."

"NO! Don't throw away my career!" Maurice begged but Piggy rolled the dice to see if Ralph would be successful. A two came up.

"Ouch…the pimp dodges your move. He throws his pimp hat at you but it misses. What do you want to do now?"

"I'm gonna shoot fire at him!"

"Alright…it hits. He dies and the town applauds you. You are now king of their village."

"I don't wanna be king though…" Ralph whined.

"Fine. You make your way through the town. It's Simon's turn."

"I would like to ask someone where Embress City is." Simon said.

"Alright. You ask a beautiful young maiden—" Roger's fists clenched at this.

"I wanna kill the maiden," Roger growled. "I wanna harvest her organs and put her head on a stick."

"Roger!" Simon yelped.

"Ok, I guess that's all right…" Piggy rolled the dice. "Roger was successful in killing the maiden. He now carries a stick with her head on it."

"Roger," Simon moaned, then turned to Piggy. "Can I ask someone else?"

"No, a nearby butcher noticed you and he's formed a small mob. He wants to kill you, what do you do?"

"Run away!" Ralph said. Piggy rolled the dice.

"You all start running, and you seem to be a good distance ahead of them, until one of them grabs Maurice!" Maurice screamed and fainted.

"Good job, Piggy!" Jack muttered. "Now we have to travel without an aspiring prostitute in tow."

"We have to save him!" Simon told Piggy.

"It might be dangerous, but alright. So you go back to the mob…."

**I'm sorry! I'm not dead, I swear! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again, everyone! Did everyone have a nice Thanksgiving? Or if you're not American did you have a nice November 22****nd****? If you did, good, if you didn't, that sucks. Since Thanksgiving is over, we all have to start obsessing over Christmas/Chanukah! So what do you guys want? I personally would like all four seasons of Hetalia plus Paint it White, and maybe even a typewriter. Anyways, I have an idea: for everyone who reviews this story (this chapter onward, I'll try and update at least once a week now) with what they would want for a holiday gift, I'll put your usernames in a hat (I'll put it in the number of times you review) and pick one at random. And on Christmas (I would do Chanukah but, ya know, the whole eight-days thing…also I'm not Jewish, or Christian for that matter, but whatever!) I'll write a fanfic including you receiving said present from a Lord of the Flies character of your choosing! Sounds fun, right? **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE FLIES OR ANY OF WILLIAM GOLDING'S CHARACTERS. KAPEESH? GOOD.**

"Wait!" Jack cried. Everyone turned to him questioningly. "Do we really have to go back for Maurice? Maybe he can talk them into becoming a prostitute and he can follow his dreams!"

"No man gets left behind!" Ralph stated stubbornly. "Piggy, send us back to the mob."

"Okay, then. It's now Sam's turn. What do you want to do?"

"Can I throw a grenade at them like Roger did with the goblins?"

"No."

"What the hell! Why not!"

"Because Roger is sexier than you." Piggy said simply.

"I thought you liked me!" Ralph protested, crossing his arms and letting out a huff.

"I do, but Roger's hot…and you don't even like me!"

"I know, but I like the attention!"

"Guys we're getting off topic!" Simon interrupted. "Sam, why don't you just attack the people closest to Maurice? You have a staff, right? Can you shoot magical energy at them?"

"Fine…Piggy."

"On it," Piggy responded dutifully. The die was rolled and a fifteen came up. "It wasn't a hard spell, so you managed to hit one of the men carrying Maurice. He's now limping-" Sam let out a triumphant whoop.

"However, two men are now advancing towards you. One of them swings a large stick at you and it hits you in the head. You're now bleeding and if you don't get medical care soon you'll pass out. This now gives Jack room to inflict damage on one of the men carrying Maurice and save Maurice."

"I don't wanna do it."

"Jack, don't be such a dick! Save Maurice!"

"Fine. I want to use my chain so that it trips one of the men and Maurice can be free."

"Sure," the boys held in their breath as Piggy rolled the die. One the face emerged a seventeen.

"YEAH!" Jack pumped his fist in the air.

"The man trips and Maurice is set free. However, since nobody helped Sam, he's now unconscious. You have to carry him."

"Wow, thanks guys!" Sam growled sarcastically. He then made his way over to a still very unconscious Maurice and started lightly hitting his face.

"Okay, since I'm obviously still ripped in the game, I'll carry Sam," Ralph sighed.

"I will too!" Jack exclaimed.

"You're a girl, remember? I need someone with more muscle," Ralph argued. Jack sat back, pouting as Ralph thought of someone else.

"Hey! Roger can help you!" Simon said a bit too quickly; making it obvious that Simon just wanted Roger to stop being his overly possessive self.

"Fine, fine." Roger growled, but in exchange he just wrapped his arm Simon even more tightly, and smiled when fright and even a bit of pain flashed in his eyes. Yeah sadism!

"Alright, so Roger leaves his wife's side to go help Ralph carry Sam. Everyone manages to escape from the mob, and you've entered a lush forest. Trees obscure your view, making it harder to see if there's a town up ahead. You have no idea where the city is, but it's getting late. It's now Simon's turn."

"Since I'm a druid, to I get an animal companion?" Simon asked.

"Fine, but you have to go find one yourself."

"Okay!" Simon grinned.

"Alright, Simon leaves and it's just you guys. It's now Roger's turn."

"Can I hunt?"

"Why would you want to hunt? You guys have food."

"Yeah, but I wanna torture something."

"Ugh, fine. Roger goes off as well. Now it's Ralph's turn!"

"I want to build a fire. And maybe obsess over it a tiny bit."

"Ralph succeeds. You prop Sam up against a tree and sit by the fire with Jack and Maurice. Since neither Sam nor Maurice are conscious, it's Jack's turn again."

"I wanna seduce Ralph."

"WHAT?" Ralph's eyes widened. "No!"

"Come on, please!" Jack made puppy dog eyes at Piggy.

"If there's one sucker for puppy dog eyes, it's me!" he somewhat jovially rolled the die. A nineteen came up.

"Fuck!" Ralph swore.

"Okay, he succeeded, but he didn't do much damage. Jack unlaces his shirt so more cleavage is showing and kisses Ralph passionately."

"I resist!" Ralph grunted. Piggy rolled the die and a two came up. "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

"So while Jack and Ralph awkwardly hook up, I'm going to move on to Simon. So, Simon, you've found a young jaguar. How do you befriend it?"

"Well, I feed it a little, and maybe pet it, and use my adorable druid charm!"

"So much like Finland and Sweden!" Jack commented under his breath.

"Okay, you're successful! You and your new friend make your way back to the campsite, unaware of what you'll come across!"

"It's my turn now, right?" Roger questioned excitedly.

"Yes, Roger, it's your turn. You've come across a very large panther who seems to be stalking something."

"I want to throw a knife at its leg so it falls and can't get up again."

"Okay…you don't succeed. But the panther has noticed you and his now stalking you instead."

"Oh, well I guess I'm fucked then," Roger sighed. "I try to throw a knife again so it doesn't die but is in bad pain."

"You still don't succeed. You should probably run-"

"Never! I want to jump on top of it!"

"You still don't succeed! The panther swipes its massive claw at your head, missing by inches!"

"Fine, I'll run."

"Okay! The panther chases you back to camp where Maurice is asleep and Jack and Ralph are still going at it!"

"Ha! No way! What base?" Roger cackled.

"Well, it'll become second if Jack rolls a high number. The panther chases you right out of camp."

"Can I send my jaguar after it?" Simon asked.

"Okay, you try and send the jaguar after the panther, but she'll only go if you do as well."

"Alright then, we'll go!"

"Okay, you and the jaguar chase after Roger and the panther. Now, back to Ralph's turn."

"I shove Jack off of me!" Ralph said.

"I cling onto Ralph!" Jack countered. Piggy rolled a thirteen.

"Okay, well Ralph shoves Jack off but accidentally touches his left boob."

"Sweet," Jack smiled.

"Fuck you," Ralph growled. "Can we just go to sleep or something?"

"Alright, you don't want to help Roger and the panther?"

"Nope, that's none of my concern, I just want to sleep." Ralph said flatly.

"Okay, so you and Jack go to sleep." Piggy replied. "And you'll find out what happened to Simon and Roger in the game in the morning." Piggy then turned to Roger and Simon, deciding their fates.

**So how does the present thing I explained in the intro sound to you guys? I would love it if you reviewed with a gift; I really want to do some fanfiction gift giving during the next holiday! (and if you didn't read the introduction please do!)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm the worst! (whenever I say that I think of Germany from Hetalia…heh heh.) I'm so sorry for not updating sooner; I've just been really busy with tests and such. So Christmas is coming up! Is everyone as excited for Les Miserábles as I am? Well you should be because Les Miserábles is the most amazing show ever! So please still review with presents you would want for the holidays, I really want to do that! And if you forgot what it is check chapter 3!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE FLIES OR ANY CHARACTERS AND I'M NOT WILLIAM GOLDING. KAPEESH? GOOD. OR SPONGEBOB BECAUSE THERE'S A SPONGEBOB REFFERENCE IN THIS CHAPTER.**

"So Simon, you finally catch up to Roger, who's being chased by the panther. What now?" Piggy informed Simon.

"Well, I want to order my jaguar to attack the panther."

"Sounds good," Piggy rolled the die. An eighteen surfaced. "The jaguar leaps on top of the panther and bites it. Roger?"

"I'll try to stab it again," Rogers lip's curved up into a sinister smile as a twenty came up on the die.

"You successfully kill the panther! The jaguar now trusts Simon more and all that shit."

"Thanks, Simon," Roger muttered.

"Any time," Simon shyly averted his gaze. Isn't this pairing truly amazing?

"Okay, so you two go back and Sam's still passed out. Maurice is casually roasting marshmallows and Jack and Ralph are asleep. It's now Maurice's turn."

"Hm…can I try and summon a sea bear?"

"Like from _Spongebob_? Why?"

"Because…I wanna ask it out…" Maurice giggled.

"You can't be fucking serious…" Roger growled but Maurice was already wearing a hat upside down, making monkey noises, waving a flashlight around, and eating cubed cheese.

"Well, I guess it's time to draw a circle, since I'm kind and shit I'll drag Ralph, Jack, and Sam inside too. Oh, and can I heal Sam in the mean time?"

"No, you already used up your turn doing the circle thing," Piggy answered. "So, a very large green fish with the head of a bear comes out of nowhere. Roger, what do you do?"

"Psht, I don't do anything. Can I take a nap?"

"Okay, Roger's sleeping."

"Oh thanks, Roger, you're the best!" Maurice spat. "That was sarcasm, in case you didn't know!"

"Yeah, I picked up on that," Roger responded.

"Okay, Maurice, what do you want to do?"

"Compliment her! Tell her her fur color is very pretty!"

"Okay, you compliment her fur and she's starting to like you. Simon, what do you wanna do for your turn?"

"I'll heal Sam."

"Okay, it works, but only a little. He's slowly recovering," Piggy gazed at the die. Sam gave a small fist pump and there was an awkward ending.

**Sorry it wasn't longer. So remember: review with a present idea! Please!**


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